I dreamt I died
I was in some military academy. The places where I was in were clear: A sports supply outlet. A smoking spot beside a monsoon drain. A dark hallway with a huge door that leads to the parade square.
My death didn’t come as a surprise, what was happening in my dream were the events that lead to my demise. Suicide, no less. For what reason I’m not sure.
In the sports supply outlet I was looking at a specific pair of Puma tennis shoes. At the smoking spot my comrades were asking what’s been up with me. I was knocked by the huge door as somebody from the other side was trying to get through. There were a few white parade uniforms hanging from the door handle.
My dream was cut short cause I needed to get up. Gastric flu. It’s not that I wanted to know how I died, it’s just really rare for me to have a dream as vivid as this one.
Ambition
One day i want to be big.
Not physically big, but more like known the masses, the same way if you mention “Mr Brown” in Singapore people automatically know who you’re referring to. Or if you mention the current U.S. President’s name. And so on and so forth.
I want to be important enough so that if i choose to deliberately be late for something, no one can question why or even feel annoyed without feeling guilty. Or if i choose to rebuke someone rudely he or she will have no reason to feel angry or peeved at me. I want to be big enough so that i can do things with a sense of impunity and know that people will still side me even if i had done something wrong, because they believe in me.
And when i become that big, i will make a deliberate effort to never be late. To never be impolite. To never treat someone unkindly, or be mean or condescending. To not be a hypocrite as far as i humanly can. To always be welcoming, warm, friendly and down-to-earth despite my status which allows me to be otherwise and get away with it.
Why? Because there are not enough of such people in the world, people who have power and do not abuse it to get what they want. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should, because what would it make us? The fact that you can get away with it doesn’t make the action any more right. Apply the Eleventh Commandment if you’d like (“Thou shalt not get caught”), and see if you don’t - God is all-seeing.
So one day, when i get big enough in the world, i will hold to all these things, not because i must, but because i should.
Shoulda Coulda Woulda
I’m a believer in doing things simply “because I can” and no other reason. But “because I can” must also be balanced - just “because I can” doesn’t always mean “I should”.
